


between alcohol and lies

by punkrockpenguin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, College, Cute Yamaguchi Tadashi, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jealous Tsukishima Kei, M/M, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Physical Abuse, Post-Canon, Sad Tsukishima Kei, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28867755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockpenguin/pseuds/punkrockpenguin
Summary: "You asked for it." Was the last thing Tsukishima heard before receiving a hit to the head, probably against the floor, since he felt everything going sideways and his glasses breaking with a loud smash.orYamaguchi tells Tsukishima he’s got a girlfriend, college!Karasuno boys have a night out and Tsukishima finds himself in an alley with a man he doesn’t recognize.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	between alcohol and lies

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, this is my first fic and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
>  _If you are triggered by descriptions of violence and/or sexual harassment, don’t read in between the **“11:40”** and **“12:13”** titles._  
> And just to be clear, I don’t condone or romanticize any physical or sexual abuse, I hope it doesn’t come across that way.

_"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi yelled excitedly, sitting in front of Tsukishima._

_"What is it?"_

_Yamaguchi tapped his foot anxiously in the ground, looking with wide, flaming eyes at his best friend. Tsukishima knew what this meant, from all those years being friends with the man he could read him like an open book: Yamaguchi wanted to tell him something but was scared of how he would react._

_"I know you want to say something important, so take your time. I'm listening." Tsukishima could be very straightforward and even cold, but he wasn't heartless. And when it came to the freckled man he loved so deeply, the last thing he wanted was to make him feel bad, especially when Yamaguchi was trying his hardest only to face him right now._

_"Thanks Tsukki..."_

_A pause. What felt like years of silence for Tsukishima, just what was it that Yamaguchi wanted to say?_

_And then he spoke again._

_"I… have a girlfriend?"_

_"Oh..."_

_Tsukishima felt his world fall to pieces in front of his eyes and suddenly he felt himself get smaller and smaller. A knot in his throat and the words burning in the back of his head. He felt himself speak, distant, as if it was someone else's voice._

_"I'm happy for you."_

No, you're not. _Tsukishima's thoughts answered himself almost immediately._

_"Thanks Tsukki!" Yamaguchi looked happy, and that was the reminder that Tsukishima needed. Yamaguchi would never be with someone like him. A man, his best friend; his arrogant, man, best friend._

_"She's really lucky to be with you,"_

You're jealous of her.

_"I hope you two are happy together."_

• • •

**10:20 PM**

The memory kept repeating over and over again in Tsukishima's brain. That was barely a month ago and all that he could think about. He tried to keep his friendship with Yamaguchi but he hurt more and more just watching his long-term one-sided crush be happy because of someone other than him. It was selfish of him to decide to stop talking to Yamaguchi and distance himself but what else could he have done?

Tsukishima took one more drink from his glass, feeling the bitter taste of alcohol in his mouth. He was going to see Yamaguchi that night, probably with his girlfriend, the last thing he needed was to be sober and sulking. Maybe it was better to be drunk and thinking about not throwing up instead.

There was a knock in his door, he gathered his things —his phone, keys and wallet—, and made his way out of the house. At his doorstep stood Hinata, waiting for him.

"Hey Tsukishima, are you ready for tonight?" Hinata almost yelled, even though, to be fair, it might have been a mix of Tsukishima's low tolerance for Hinata's voice and the alcohol in his system making his senses a mess. 

"Remember, you're not allowed to be your salty self as always, tonight is all about celebrating."

"We only finished exams, no need to make such a fuss about it." 

"There it is, _Stingyshima._ " 

"We're in college, when will you stop calling me that?"

"When you stop _being_ so salty." Hinata laughed and continued walking excitedly ahead of Tsukishima.

They entered the car, Tsukishima greeting everyone in a general manner. The designated driver was Kageyama — the only one with a driver's license at the moment, next to him Hinata, sitting beside Tsukishima was Yachi and next to her was no other than Yamaguchi. Tsukishima knew for a fact that Yachi wasn't Yamaguchi's girlfriend, he had asked since he always thought Yamaguchi liked their friend since their first year in highschool, but the other simply answered _"No, it's not her."_ and changed the topic of their conversation as quickly as it had started. _Maybe Yamaguchi's girlfriend was busy tonight?_ he thought.

In hindsight, Yamaguchi never talked about his girlfriend that much, he just mentioned her briefly sometimes; though it wasn't as if Tsukishima wanted to know more about her or _them_ for that matter _,_ so he never asked for more information. 

When they made it into the club they found Sugawara and Daichi next to the bar, they had planned to meet there; they also mentioned Nishinoya and Tanaka had already arrived too, and they were somewhere in between the people dancing; the others had excused themselves saying they were too busy that night. _What was the need to make this cheesy gathering?_ Tsukishima thought, but this time he kept quiet so he wouldn't have to stand some very energetic redhead man calling him names. They all kept in contact after the four years they've known each other, of course, but they never met often besides special occasions like graduation or Christmas. 

Hinata grabbed Yachi and Yamaguchi as soon as he could, after a brief chat with Daichi and Suga, and proceeded to scream "C'mon guys, let's have fun!" running towards the dance floor with the other two. Meanwhile, Tsukishima settled for asking for a drink, the second one since they got there. He never thought the mere sight of Yamaguchi could hurt that much; he needed more alcohol.

"Hey Tsukishima, you know that's not water right? I don't want to have to take care of you all night long." Sugawara said with his signature kind smile.

"And you know you're not his mom, Koushi." Daichi laughed and put an arm around Suga's waist, "Drink all you want Tsukishima, just be careful." 

Tsukishima had no words, he was used to those two acting like parents and he couldn't say he hated them for being worried, he even admired that, but right now the last thing he needs is someone to be taking care of him; he isn't worth it. 

"I know what you're thinking, _Stingyshima."_ Kageyama said right as the couple left.

"Oh, his majesty the king can now read minds too?" Tsukishima smirked and drank more, emptying his glass. "I think you're spending way too much time with that tangerine of yours."

"Don't get smart with me right now, I want to help you." 

Tsukishima tried to think of a comeback before whatever lame scolding Kageyama was about to start but he was getting dizzy after just finishing his third drink. He asked for another one.

"I know you and Yamaguchi are not on very good terms right now," Tsukishima let out a bitter laugh as if to dismiss what Kageyama was saying. "Hell, you didn't even talk to him on the way here." 

Kageyama sighed heavily. "I also know it's not my place, but I worry about him. He just hasn't been himself this last two weeks, you know? Maybe you can talk to him and try to figure out whatever happened between the both of you?" 

Tsukishima drank quicker now, avoiding eye contact with the dark haired man in front of him, and spoke a weak "Yeah, sure." with a grin. 

Kageyama sighed again and left. He, out of all people, should know by now that Tsukishima was as stubborn as anyone could get.

**11:40 PM**

To say Tsukishima was drunk was an understatement. He was far away past that state, even though he could still stand, everything he saw was either cloudy or moving way too fast for his eye to catch. If he could just find his way to the bar and ask for some water he might know where he was right now. 

_Yeah, exactly_ , _where was he?_

Tsukishima could feel himself walking, someone —a man, strongly grabbing his wrist guiding him _somewhere_ and the cold air of the night brushing against his skin and entering his lungs with every burdensome breath he took. He stopped walking and then felt himself get pushed against a wall, the action taking the air out of his lungs violently. 

He tried to breathe normally and regain his composure, and that was when he was met by the lips of said man vigorously pressing against him. _What the fuck is happening?_

He could be drunk, but he knew he didn't like this feeling of unease growing inside of him. Tsukishima pushed the guy with the little strength he had left from the adrenaline built from fear. Tsukishima's sight was clearer for a second, he saw the man, slightly shorter than him but significantly more muscular, black hair and a face of surprise from the hit he just took.

"Oh so you've come to your senses, huh?" The man laughed, Tsukishima froze against the wall. "Sadly you're too weak now to put up a fight, _baby boy."_ the last two words coming out harshly and making Tsukishima almost throw up.

The man punched Tsukishima right in his nose, the pain striking immediately and blood flooding out. As if it wasn't enough, he felt the same fist connect against his jaw and the taste of blood now from his mouth appearing. Then, another hit, this time to his stomach, making Tsukishima bend in half from pain trying to breathe while panting heavily. He fell to the floor, tears burning in his eyes and silently begging the man to stop.

"You asked for it." Was the last thing Tsukishima heard before receiving a hit to the head, probably against the floor, since he felt everything going sideways and his glasses breaking with a loud smash. 

The man threw himself on top of the blonde and kissed him again, while his hands touched every part of Tsukishima's body. He aggressively ripped Tsukishima's shirt and then his own, and proceeded to kiss the pale skin leaning against his own. Tsukishima was panting heavier, sobbing loudly and begging. He never thought he, as cold-hearted as he was, would find himself _begging_ like this. His voice felt useless, his movements weak and his rational side left after the first hit he had received; he just wanted to get out of there, far away from that man. 

The man lowered his touch and tried undoing the blonde's pants, Tsukishima felt trapped beneath the weight of the male, he cried out and immediately felt a slap to his cheek.

"Be quiet or I'm going to be even tougher with you." The man pinned Tsukishima's wrists to the ground and started biting his neck, leaving marks everywhere his mouth passed.

And then, he let go, standing on his knees trying to take his pants off. Tsukishima felt adrenaline building up again, he knew what the man wanted to do with him, and he was beyond scared, paralyzed and stuck to the ground, but he also knew he needed to act quickly. He looked around, he recognized his surroundings: he was in an alley just a few blocks from the club. If he could just get up and run he could make it, he could escape.

**12:13 AM**

"Where is Tsukishima?" Yamaguchi heard Yachi nervously yell, knowing no one would give her the answer she was looking for. 

Everyone was anxious: Hinata, Kageyama and Yamaguchi asking if anyone had seen a tall, blonde guy with glasses in the last thirty minutes, Tanaka and Nishinoya looking inside every bathroom stall, and lastly Suga and Daichi trying to calm an agitated Yachi. 

Yamaguchi never expected any of this to happen, when he told his best friend about his girlfriend he didn't expect him to slowly drift apart from him. He didn't even have a girlfriend in the first place. It was just a stupid idea to see if Tsukishima got jealous, _I'm beyond stupid_ Yamaguchi thought, _the one in love with his best friend is me, he could never like me like that._

He bitterly thought back to the times in the past month when Tsukishima straight up rejected going out with him saying he should go out with his girlfriend instead because _"What would people think?"_ Yamaguchi only felt worse, anxiety rising with every minute he didn't see his best friend right there with him. He wanted to scream, apologize, tell him the truth — that he's just a pathetic coward so scared to confess his feelings that he made up a relationship. 

He felt a tear fall from his eye, and after that he couldn't stop. He was sobbing and leaning against a wall inside the club, waiting for some kind of miracle to happen and fix everything.

"Don't worry, we'll find him, okay?" Hinata whispered while holding Yamaguchi's hand tightly. "Let's go outside and try to relax."

Yamaguchi wanted to shout at him because how could he relax while his best friend had been lost, probably drunk, and alone for more than half an hour? But he followed Hinata either way, fighting wasn't going to get them anywhere near finding Tsukishima. Kageyama and Yachi followed, the former captain and vice captain stayed inside informing they would keep looking for Tsukishima. 

“We turned the place upside down looking for him,” A seemingly frustrated Tanaka approached Hinata and Yamaguchi who were sitting on the sidewalk, followed by Nishinoya. “I can’t understand how we lost sight of him so rapidly. He was right in front of the bar talking to some random dude. We were watching him.” 

“I don’t know man, maybe he wanted some air, went outside and then decided to go back to his house?” Nishinoya wondered.

“No he…” Yamaguchi stuttered. “He wouldn’t do that. At least not without his phone.” He looked down at his hand inside his pocket grabbing said phone. “The bartender gave it to me when I asked about Tsukki, he told me he just disappeared and left his phone behind.”

“Well… if you say so, we’ll keep searching. You're the one who knows him the most.” Tanaka sighed, going back inside with Noya.

**12:28 AM**

“Tsukishima?” Yamaguchi jerked his head up immediately at the sound of Kageyama’s voice, panic almost tangible in the air as he spoke.

The thing is, he could never be prepared for the sight in front of him. Not in a million years anyone would be prepared to see someone like _that,_ even worse if it was the person you’re in love with. Tsukishima stopped in front of them, breathless, resting his hands on his thighs while panting; his hair a mess and the previously pale skin in his arms now red from forming bruises everywhere, especially in his wrists. 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi called with a shaky voice, walking slowly towards his best friend. 

_Oh no._

Tsukishima looked up, red and swollen eyes piercing through the freckled man, however, his eyes seemed somewhat hollow and detached, the blood coming from his —probably broken— nose even more noticeable, his neck full of horrendous marks, his shirt ripped and smeared with blood, revealing marks all over his chest, and his glasses nowhere to be seen. Yamaguchi gulped, he felt sick. 

“Tsukishima, what happened?” Kageyama asked pleadingly, Yamaguchi was sure his tone would make the blonde smirk in any other circumstance.

“Nothing,” Tsukishima noticeably made an effort to control his breathing and speak normally. “Nothing happened.”

“How can you fucking say nothing happened?” Yamaguchi snapped regaining his composure, he was hurt just seeing Tsukishima like that, and he knew his best friend was trying to isolate himself as he always did.

“Shut up, Yam—” 

“No, I won’t. I’m worried for you, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi looked full of concern at Tsukishima’s eyes, he knew the blonde would understand what that look meant: _please talk to me._

“I…” Tsukishima started crying softly as if holding back, his voice barely a whisper.

The four of them stayed there watching everything unfold; not even Yamaguchi knew what to say, so he simply walked closer to Tsukishima and placed his hand on his cheek. The blonde recoiled in fear at the sudden touch, but then relaxed into Yamaguchi’s hand. Tsukishima took a deep breath, looking at the ground again.

“He.. he took me to a dark alley, he hit me…” Tsukishima was hardly letting his words out in between sobs. “He kissed me... he fucking _touched_ me _, he..._ ”

Yamaguchi knew it must've been a lot on Tsukishima for him to break in front of everyone. He had seen his best friend crying before, only once, and it was just the two of them. He knew how much Tsukishima hated showing his emotions, and he appreciated he was the only one he trusted enough to open up. 

"I'm calling the police." Kageyama announced looking directly at Yamaguchi. 

"No." Tsukishima was serious again, sniffling a little but his look determined. He gave a step back and held himself with his own arms, still in front of Yamaguchi.

"Are you seeing yourself right now?" Yamaguchi countered, exasperated.

"He didn't rape me." Tsukishima stated sternly.

Kageyama was having none of it. Simply looking at him, Yamaguchi could tell he was furious at the whole situation. "Even if he didn't, police can still do something, he physically abused _and_ sexually harassed—"

"Don't tell me what he did or didn't do. None of you were there." Tsukishima spat out irritatedly, Yamaguchi frowned at his words, but he couldn't blame him; he wasn't lying after all. "I'm leaving." 

"At least let me take you home," Yamaguchi reached for Tsukishima's hand and urgently looked into his eyes. "Please."

Tsukishima drew back from his touch, Yamaguchi was hurt, but he understood the man in front of him better than anyone else; it wasn't that it was Yamaguchi asking to stay with him, it was that he just wanted to be alone. So he sighed and looked for the phone in his pocket, holding it in front of him for Tsukishima to see.

“I’m calling a taxi.” Yamaguchi turned back to face the rest of his friends. “You guys can stay here, I’ll make sure Tsukki is home safe and text you later.” 

_I’m sorry, Tsukki, but I can’t leave you alone._

**1:10 AM**

The ride home was quiet, Tsukishima was absorbed in his thoughts, as if it were a broken record the memories from an hour earlier kept repeating over and over again, what could he have done better? It was all his fault after all, he distanced himself from everyone, drinking in spite of people warning him to be careful, following the stranger… it was all him. 

Would it have been different if he was sober? After all he felt weak, useless, he could feel the prints of the man's hands all over him as if he had been tattooed with them, his screams still stuck in his throat, or maybe it was just the tears fighting their way out just as before. He wanted to stop crying, to completely stop showing emotions, he didn't need everyone to know how frail he was behind his tough act. It had been enough breaking in front of Kageyama, Yachi and Hinata; thankfully he was able to compose himself quickly.

Thinking of getting home gave him some comfort, being alone in his room and eventually managing to sleep, not having to worry about _that_ man, or about Yamaguchi, for once. Just forgetting everything and disappearing for a while. The problem was, one of said worries was sitting next to him and noticeably had no intentions of leaving him alone.

Even after getting off the taxi neither of them said anything. Tsukishima reached for his keys in his pocket, _thankfully I didn’t lose those,_ he thought. He slowly opened the door, struggling without his glasses, and stood in the door frame facing Yamaguchi.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know.” 

“My house is a short walking distance from here.” Yamaguchi smiled warmly at him while placing his hand to the back of his own head. 

“I know when you’re lying, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi sighed and threw his hands up in defeat. "Okay, you got me. Can I get in?" 

Tsukishima didn't move. "Weren't you going home?" 

"You already said you knew I was lying. Let me in so I can make some tea for you." 

Tsukishima was determined to stay away from the man in front of him. He didn't trust himself alone with Yamaguchi, who knew what could happen as vulnerable as he was at that moment. 

"No." 

"C'mon Tsukki, what happened between us that you can't even let me take care of you?" Yamaguchi blurted bitterly, a frown starting to form in his face.

Tsukishima looked away behind the freckled man, hoping some miracle would come and push Yamaguchi far from him. Something to stop him from saying what he really wanted to say. 

"Nothing happened. Just leave me alone." 

Yamaguchi looked deeply hurt. His eyes search for Tsukishima's, but Tsukishima wouldn't dare to look at him; he would break right there if he did. The blonde focused on the ground, listening to every breath until Yamaguchi spoke again. 

"I know you better than anyone else, why can't you see how much I care about you? Why can't you just talk to me? I know I'm asking for a lot after what happened tonight, but I miss us. I miss what we had before." 

"Before what? Before you got a girlfriend?" Tsukishima jolted his head up in exasperation, that was the topic he was trying his best to avoid and there he was, bringing it up. He mentally slapped himself.

_Great job, Kei. You're an idiot._

Yamaguchi suddenly changed his expression, gently lunging forward to grab the blonde's hand. "Tsukki… do you want to talk about that?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Tsukishima admitted, taking a step back. "You're happy with her and I'm stupid for being jealous." 

"You're jealous of me for having a girlfriend?" Yamaguchi's voice slightly rises with every word. The blonde couldn't discern what his best friend meant, was he angry? Or maybe disappointed? 

"No..." He paused. 

_What could I possibly say to stop the situation from getting worse?_

"You wouldn't get it." 

"Then help me understand. I want you to talk to me, Tsukki. You're my best friend no matter what, please—"

"I'm jealous of her, not you." 

_Now you've done it. He's going to run away, he's never going to talk to you or even look at you. You've finally destroyed everything._

But Yamaguchi didn't run away. 

"Kei, do you like… me?" 

Yamaguchi rarely calls him by his first name, but when he does Tsukishima knows it's something serious. 

"I…" he struggles to speak, his head spinning between all the possibilities of what he could say and how Yamaguchi would react. "I'm not drunk enough for this." 

Tsukishima turns back making his way to the kitchen, a migraine settling in his head making it harder to concentrate along with his surroundings going black. Yamaguchi's footsteps behind him get louder. He feels a hand grab him by the arm strongly and guide him; he gives up fighting against Yamaguchi's grip and lets him take him to the couch. 

"You're not drinking more, at least not for tonight." 

"And you're not my mom or Sugawara." Tsukishima rests his head back, facing the ceiling.

Yamaguchi continues, ignoring his snarky remarks. "I know it's a lot to take in, but if it makes you feel a little better, I love you. And I mean it." 

"Don't do that." Tsukishima mumbles with his hands on his own face.

"Do what?"

"Give me hope." 

"I told you I mean it."

"And you know how I feel about you, don't give me room to think you mean that in…" He lowers his voice, aware of what he's saying and how pitiful it sounds. "In the same way I love you." 

"That's exactly what I mean, Kei." 

Tsukishima is beyond taken aback, afraid it's a dream, afraid that Yamaguchi will stand up and leave. He stares at the freckled man, wide-eyed; Yamaguchi doesn't take his focus from the floor, playing with his hands. 

"But you have a girlfriend, Yamaguchi." 

"I don't. I'm sorry, Tsukki." Yamaguchi utters, finally looking him in the eye. "I lied to you, I know what I did was awful. Please don't be mad."

Tsukishima felt a weight lift off from his shoulders.

"Why would you do that?" Tsukishima wasn't angry at all, he was confused. Never, in any of the million possibilities he thought of, did Yamaguchi reciprocate his feelings.

"You know I've always been a coward in every way, so... I kind of thought I could figure out if you liked me and avoid confessing altogether saying I was in a relationship?" Yamaguchi stumbled on his words in a rush. 

"And what did you plan on doing if I never confessed? Keep lying to everyone?" He was harsh, and he knew he should be angry, but he was somewhat relieved knowing the truth; still, that didn't change the fact that he was frustrated. "Do you know how much I suffered these weeks thinking that you didn't need me in your life anymore? That you found someone better? I know it's selfish of me to think that way, but it was so suddenly I seriously thought—"

"Tsukki, stop. Please."

"You were the one who asked me to talk in the first place." 

"I… I know, okay?" He sighed. "I know it was awful, you can hate me after this and I'll understand, but please believe me I do care about you, and no one will never, ever, replace you. I love you Tsukki, I'm sorry for making you go through all of that, I'm sorry for doing something so stupid."

Tsukishima felt his mind come to a stop, all the stress and frustration leaving his body as he studied every word pronounced by Yamaguchi, observing his puffy eyes, his red nose, those freckles he so deeply adored, and those lips he always pictured brushing gently against his; he didn't care about anything else in the world, that moment was only his and Yamaguchi's.

Tsukishima slowly shifted forward and kindly caressed Yamaguchi's cheek, receiving a dumbfounded look from him. "I guess we're both stupid, then." 

The freckled man smiled widely and pressed his hand on Tsukishima's, and the blonde found himself missing his best friend's touch, all too familiar to him after years of being together; he needed more. He didn't think twice before embracing Yamaguchi as tight as he could, feeling warm and safe with the other's arms wrapped around him, lovingly stroking his hair, Tsukishima buried his face in Yamaguchi's neck and finally, he felt at ease. 

Tsukishima cried, he let go of every frustration and every problem at that moment, everything that happened earlier, everything he was carefully building up as he came back home, everything he did to distance himself from Yamaguchi; everything that wasn't the two of them, because right then, nothing else mattered. 

"I love you too, Tadashi." 

**Author's Note:**

> I think it’s easy to notice english isn’t my first language, if you find any mistakes please let me know!  
> Also I would love it if you wrote down what you think after reading this, if you like it or not, what I could do better, anything in general! Thanks again for reading all the way here <3.  
>  **Special thanks to the beautiful person I call bokuto-san for helping me beta read and finish this mess <3.**  
> And if you like angst please look forward to my next fic, I will be uploading soon!


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